You Got This (Or Not): What My 9-Year-Old Taught Me About Fear and Leadership
Fear is real, and it isn’t always tied to a crisis or failure. Sometimes it’s just a feeling in your stomach before a big decision, or a quiet hesitation before stepping into the unknown. This subject continues to intrigue me as I reflect on business, leadership, strategy, core decision making, or in some cases not making.
If you remain open to the world, some of the best lessons in life come from the least expected places and moments. I was reminded of this — powerfully and personally — while standing in line for rollercoasters at Disney World with my 9-year-old daughter this past spring.
Some important contexts to this story. Disney has a multitude of types of rollercoasters and themed rides. For context of rides mentioned below, we did Guardians of the Galaxy, Slinky Dog, Aerosmith, Space Mountain, and then Tron.
What started and ended as a fun vacation turned into a raw, emotional masterclass in fear, trust, and resilience. She went from confident and excited, to crying and terrified, to talking herself back into riding again. We talked between the rides; I asked her questions. I listened. She gave me honest, unfiltered answers that said more about human behavior than most leadership books ever could. I knew there was something here.
These weren’t just kid reactions. They were universal truths — about what it means to be afraid, what helps us move forward, and how we build courage one step at a time.
I let some time pass, then had a conversation with her about the experience again. I recorded and captured her words in full. Then I reflected. So here are 12 lessons on fear, trust, and growth — straight from my beautiful, courageous, and insightful 9-year-old daughter — with takeaways for anyone trying to lead, grow, or simply face hard things.
“Roller coasters aren't my favorite thing in the whole wide world. I'm worried about falling off… or the ride shutting down… or something bad happening.” Fear often isn’t about reality — it’s about possibility. That small chance while almost zero, isn’t zero. Also, everything at one point never happened, until it did. People (and teams) don’t need a history of failure to be afraid. They need just enough imagination to picture what could go wrong. Don’t dismiss those fears. Help people feel safe in the unknown.
“I hate blast-offs. That gives my stomach a feeling.” Sometimes the scariest part isn’t what we see — it’s what we feel. In leadership, we often overlook the emotional and physical discomfort that comes with change. Acknowledge it. Make room for it. You can’t logic your way through someone’s gut reaction.
“Indoor roller coasters scared me more because I don’t know what’s going to happen next.” Ambiguity amplifies fear. We tend to think that high stakes are the problem — but often, just not knowing and being able to see what’s coming are much larger. Transparency is one of the simplest ways to build trust, but also helps to eliminate fear, even if it seems irrational or unwarranted. (Most of Disney is indoor coasters and attractions. She was not keen on any of them, but her stress remained less in line until she got up and saw the actual coaster and heard the launches.)
“Slinky Dog... I trusted you because you said it would be fun, so I didn’t cry as much.” Trust beats courage. People don’t need you to hype things up. They need to believe you when you say it’s going to be okay. The right voice at the right time makes the impossible feel doable. (The first big coaster she could see. She spent the while time in line looking at the hills and curves, debating on if she should really ride.)
“I prayed. I said, ‘you got this, you got this’… but also, ‘you don’t got this, you don’t got this.’” Fear and belief often live side-by-side. Courage doesn’t exist without fear. Don’t expect clarity before action. Sometimes the best we get is mixed messages — and a moment where we choose which voice to follow. Make space for both.
“Half of me said 'you got this' and half said 'what are you doing?'” Bravery isn't clean. Once you make the decision to move forward, it’s still scary and rarely feels certain. In fact, if you're leading right, people should feel a little bit of both — fear and momentum — at the same time.
“Don't be a wimp. So I was like, oh no, I’m not being a wimp, so I did it.” Sometimes motivation is internal and personal. We all seem to care what others think, and it can influence our decisions. Not everyone pushes forward because of the mission or the strategy. Sometimes it’s just identity — a gut check about who we want to be and/or how we want the world to see us. Respect that. People are motivated by different things.
“Of course you had to put my face as your screensaver. Marvelous.” Humor softens fear. Shared memory — even when it’s raw or awkward — can create community and connection, as well as celebrate courage and participation. In business, storytelling matters. It’s how we bond after tough rides. (When we got to Aerosmith and she saw the shoulder harness come over, and heard the coaster launch with screams, she absolutely freaked out. Luckily the line was short by the point you could see everything. She instantly registered this ride would have a fast launch and upside sections, which my wife and I didn’t realize until we were there. We were committed. She somehow got the courage and rode it, but came off looking shocked and stunned, while shaking. I will remember that face forever. After several minutes and her still being stoic, I took a picture and made it a black and white screensaver.)
“Tron… probably. Aerosmith… maybe, but probably not.” Familiarity is everything.
Once we’ve faced something hard, it becomes more approachable. When someone says “no,” it might really mean “not yet.” Keep the door open. (She was traumatized slightly after Aerosmith, but the rest of us wanted to try Tron. We got in the almost 2-hour line and waited. This, however, built the angst. This coaster showed her the speed and curves outside as we got in line. It showed her the new “motorcycle” sitting style carts, which was a different unknown to all of us. It showed the launch and screams halfway while in line, then gave her time to think about it. And the coaster she knew was mostly indoors, lots of unknown. As we approached Tron, she was crying, waffling greatly, already had lots of conquered coasters under her belt, but still wasn’t sure she wanted to go again. She cried and almost bugged out before we go on, yes somehow she persevered on got on. This was her response to if she would ride any of these coasters again in the future. Tron did turn out to be a top-three experience for her on the trip.”
“You shouldn’t let people force you to do stuff you don’t want to do… in some occasions, you’re the boss to yourself.” Agency matters. Wisdom at 9 to by your own self. You can’t shove people through fear. You can walk with them, but they have to choose the moment. The best cultures make space for readiness.
“You should confront your fears… because there's stuff in life you won’t want to do, but it leads to success.” Her words, crazy I know. Growth doesn’t come without discomfort. Don’t confuse comfort with safety. Sometimes fear is the doorway. If you avoid it, you avoid progress.
“This is just the beginning.” Every fear we face builds capacity for the next one.
We’re not meant to be fearless. We’re meant to get stronger — one ride at a time.
This wasn’t a leadership retreat or some manifested experience. This was a family trip to a theme park. This is the emotional journey my daughter took — from overwhelmed to brave. This is one we all know well, go through it often, and have probably gotten really good at hiding it. We do have our stomachs drop in business.
In work, in teams, and in life, fear shows up all the time. It’s not always labeled. It’s not always loud. But it’s there — in hesitation, in resistance, in stalled momentum. And if we don’t talk about it, we miss the chance to grow from it.
What I learned from my daughter is that fear doesn’t need to be eliminated. It needs to be seen, named, and worked through — with trust, honesty, and agency – even dare I say it, love. I am not sure you can manage it on a spreadsheet, only through human interaction and caring.
Sometimes people need a smaller hill before they try the big drop. Sometimes they are all thrill seekers. Sometimes they need to pray or find a place or say “you got this” a few times before they believe it, without being judged for the self-talk and reflection. And sometimes, they just need someone to say: “You don’t have to ride. But if you do, I’m right here with you.” You can’t have courage without fear.
It turns out that some of the most insightful experiences and reflections on business, life, and growth don’t always happen in an office or boardroom. Sometimes, they happen in line for a rollercoaster.
And like she said: “This is just the beginning.”
Dominic Iacobucci
39Forward, Co-founder